Unpredictable Justice
by Brownbeard the Pirate
Summary: On that day ten years ago, Luffy never met Shanks. As a result, he (along with Ace) followed in Garp's footsteps and became a marine. Follow Marine!Luffy and his friends as they go on idiotic adventures on the high seas, in Luffy's quest to become the greatest marine there ever was.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Romance Dawn… Of a Certain Sort, I Suppose

AN: I've had this in my document files for a good while and I finally decided to get around to doing something with it. I don't exactly have the clearest of directions for this thing, but while The Most Cursed of Hands is my main serious project, this is more of a fun side project for me. I do have _some_ plans for the future of this story, in any case. I hope you enjoy it.

Also, I don't own One Piece. That honor goes to the great and honorable Goda-sensei-san-sama. Hallowed be his name. *does the sign of the cross and kisses an icon of Oda Eiichirou, then puts it back on an altar filled with candles, images, and holy relics* …What? Don't look at me like that.

-0-

It's a clear day in the East Blue. The sun is shining. The seagulls are doing whatever it is seagulls do. The sea kings are nesting. And a particular Marine vessel has just narrowly avoided being swallowed up by a vortex in the middle of the ocean. A perfectly ordinary day, really.

Somewhere in these waters, a semi-notorious band of sea marauders lurks, awaiting their next victim. Their captain: the infamous (sort of) "Iron Mace" Alvida, worth five million beri. It's just like any other day on both ships. The pirates drink and party while a cowardly pink-haired boy cleans up after them and the marines try desperately to conserve their food supply as a shirtless monkey boy is having an impromptu eating contest with himself and winning.

Up in the crow's nest of the Marine vessel, a low-ranked nobody spots a ship in the distance. He pulls out his telescope to get a better look at it and nearly soils himself upon spotting the other ship's Jolly Roger. For a moment, he tries to gather his wits about him and scrambles to replace his telescope with a megaphone.

"All hands on deck!" the marine yells. "All hands on deck! We've got p-pirates at 12 o'clock!"

Upon hearing this, the men on deck drop what they're doing and begin preparing for battle. Cannons are loaded and aimed, rifles readied, swords drawn. Meanwhile, in the mess hall of the ship, the aforementioned monkey boy is casually ignoring the preparations being made and the general state of chaos the ship is currently in in favor of the ridiculously oversized leg of meat that he's eating.

Over on the pirate ship, the pink-haired boy spots the Marine vessel in the distance and breaks out in a cold sweat. While he'd wanted to join the marines, he's not so certain that they'll actually let him if they catch him on a pirate ship, so while the other pirates are drinking and failing to notice the marines approaching, the boy makes for the storage room and hides himself in a barrel.

The commander of the Marine vessel, one Lieutenant "Ironfist" Fullbody, is calmly issuing orders, not personally all that concerned about the pirates before them.

"Fire!" he orders once the cannons are loaded and aimed. There's a series of loud booms and several black spheres go flying toward the ship, signaling the start of the battle and bringing the marines to the pirates' attention for the first time. Most of the cannonballs miss, but one manages a direct strike, punching a hole in the hull of the pirate vessel. The whole upper deck of the ship is in chaos as the pirates prepare for battle.

"Damn it!" yells Alvida. "Where is that good-for-nothing freeloader?!"

"I think I saw him sneak below deck, ma'am!" says one of the no-name pirates on deck.

"When this is all over, I'm gonna shove his head so far up his ass he'll be able to see daylight!"

Her rant is cut short as another cannonball pierces the hull. A few of the pirates are below deck trying desperately to patch the previous hole when the second cannonball flies in and rearranges their body parts. Meanwhile, above deck, a couple cannons have been readied.

"Fire!" yells Alvida.

Most of the cannonballs sent toward the Marine vessel end up falling uselessly in the ocean, but one lone cannonball pierces the hull. Upon entering the ship, it just so happens to end up inside the mess hall, where the monkey boy is still feasting, and directly collides with the leg of meat that he was chowing down on. The boy bites air and the meat is sent flying across the room and straight through the wall, into the ocean beyond. It takes a moment for the boy to process what just happened, and once he does, he's seeing red.

Up on deck, the two ships have now gotten close enough to each other that the pirates have begun boarding the Marine vessel. However, they get more than they bargained for as the marines on deck push them back without much difficulty. Pirates are falling left and right with minimal injury to the marines, and Alvida decides it's time for her to step in.

"If you want a job done right, you've gotta do it yourself," she grumbles impatiently upon setting foot on the deck. As soon as she lands, she swings her mace and immediately fells at least half a dozen no-name marines. A bigger marine, a massive beefy guy by the name of… Oh, whatever. Do you really care what this guy is called? No, of course you don't.

He's wielding a scimitar as he rushes at Alvida. His sword is blocked, with some effort, by Alvida's mace. The two clash for a moment, neither being able to overpower the other, as more marines fall and Fullbody looks on with boredom at the scene.

"Huh, maybe I should step in," he says, and begins to make his way to the land whale that's invaded his ship. However, at that moment, a shirtless monkey boy with a white Marine jacket wrapped around his waist and grease staining his mouth and chin barges through the wall of the mess hall, completely ignoring the perfectly functional door right next to him (and leaving a large, monkey boy-shaped hole in the wall, which a group of marines immediately get to work fixing), looking far more intimidating than a boy that silly-looking has any right to. The battle is stopped dead in its tracks by the sudden bizarre intrusion.

"Okay," the boy says, voice eerily calm. "Which one of you decided it would be funny to launch a cannonball at my meat while I was eating?"

The marines on deck are bewildered and scared, though they don't know why, and the pirates are confused by the display.

"Are you talkin' about me, boy?" Alvida says gruffly, still in the middle of her clash with beefy scimitar guy, and drawing the odd boy's attention to her. The boy silently walks toward her, fists clenched. Upon reaching the two combatants, the boy casually pushes beefy scimitar guy out of the way and catches Alvida's mace with his bare hand. Beefy scimitar guy is shocked while Alvida looks perplexed by the fact that the boy stopped her attack so easily.

"What the hell?" she says. She pulls her arm back for another attack and launches it at the nuisance in front of her, thinking that'll do the trick. However, what actually happens is that, upon making contact with the boy's skull, the mace shatters into a million pieces like it was made of cheap plaster, and Alvida's entire life suddenly begins flashing before her eyes as she realizes the terrible mistake she's just made. The boy picks up his foot, raising his knee to his sternum, and unleashes a brutal side kick to Alvida's stomach, sending her flying off the Marine vessel and straight through her own pirate ship, causing the pirate ship to be split in half by the sheer force of the kick, kicking up massive cascading waves of salt water and beaching a couple dozen fish in the process. Everyone else on the ship is taken aback by what they just saw, and all the pirates on board immediately throw down their weapons and surrender.

"What in tarnation?" asks one of the no-name marines on deck.

"So," says the boy, causing everyone, even Fullbody, to tense up a bit. He looks around, significantly more calm and monkey-like than before, sucking in his lips. "Who's in charge of these pirates anyways?" For a moment, everyone on deck stares at him in bemusement, and then simultaneously, everyone face-faults.

"Damn it, Luffy," says Fullbody, trying his best to cover his grin and stop himself from laughing. "That was – haha – the pirates' captain you just – BAH HAHA – kicked overboard, dumbass."

"Oh," Luffy says. He looks around at all the other pirates on deck. "So, do you guys have any meat?"

The pirates, however, are too scared to say anything, and Luffy is impatient, so he simply jumps off the deck of the ship and, just as he's about to plummet into the water, he kicks the air and actually manages to gain height, which causes several pirates and marines alike to soil themselves. Using this technique, he makes his way to the pirate ship in search of food. Upon landing on the half of the ship that contains the passage below deck, he makes his way toward the storage room. He completely fails to notice the chattering barrel below deck, instead diving immediately into the refrigerator and gulping down giant hunks of meat whole. After a minute of this, the top of the chattering barrel slowly lifts up to reveal the pink-haired boy, who's just noticed that the battle is already over.

The boy stares as Luffy shreds through meat like a grinder and says, "A-are you a marine?"

Luffy stops eating for a moment when he thinks he hears someone talking, looking around for the source of the voice. He looks directly behind him and finally sees the pink-haired boy in the barrel. He cocks his head to one side, scrunches his eyebrows, and sucks in his lips, trying to figure out what to make of the strange boy.

"What are you doing in there?" he asks after a long stretch of silence.

"Oh, th-this?" the boy stutters. "I w-was hiding. I didn't want those p-pirates to force me to fight. I… I've always wanted to join the marines and I didn't want those marines to think I was with the pirates, you see."

Luffy looks at him contemplatively, his brain working on overdrive. "You wanna be a marine, eh?" he says. "I'm a marine."

"You really are?" the boys asks excitedly, but then takes a moment to absorb Luffy's appearance. "But wait, if you're a marine, then why aren't you wearing a uniform?"

"Hm?" Luffy asks, looking down at his haphazardly-put-together outfit. "I am in uniform, see?" he says, pointing at the wrinkled blue pants, the grime-covered boots, and the greasy jacket tied around his waist.

"But it's not on right," the boy says, but it falls on deaf ears as Luffy goes back to tearing through meat at vomit-inducing speeds. "So, um," he says, "if you're really a marine, do you think maybe I could join you guys?"

Luffy stops eating for a moment to eye the boy curiously, the gears in his brain working on overdrive. "Nah," he finally says, "you're no fun." The boy looks at the ground, defeated.

"So, that's it, huh?" he says dejectedly. "After everything I've been through, I don't even get to live out my dream."

Luffy's ears perk up and he appraises the boy a second time. "Well," he says, "to be honest, with an attitude like that, you'd be better off just going back home."

"You don't have to say it like that."

Luffy sets his meat down, wipes his hands off on his jacket, walks up to the boy, and dope slaps him across the face.

"Ow! Wh-what'd you do that for?" the boy asks, bewildered.

"I told you, with an attitude like that, you're better off going home. If you set a dream for yourself and then give up before you've even managed to start, then what was the point of even setting the dream in the first place?" The boy looks up at Luffy, shocked and speechless. "If you have a dream, you should go for it, no matter what anyone says. You should fight for it tooth and nail."

"Y-you really think so?" the boy says, tears suddenly streaming down his cheeks.

"Well yeah, duh," says Luffy like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do you have a dream like that?"

Luffy grins a wide, toothy grin, meat still stuck in his teeth. "You bet! You ever hear of a guy named Monkey D. Garp?"

"Isn't that the great marine hero that took down the pirate king?"

"Yep! That's my gramps!" Luffy proudly exclaims. The boy is blown away at the revelation. "My dream is to be an even greater marine than he is! I'm gonna take down all the Yonko and all the revolutionaries, I'm gonna find the One Piece for the Marines, put an end to the Pirate Era, and then I'm gonna become the Fleet Admiral of the Marines and be a greater marine than Gramps ever was! That's my dream. To be the best, like no one ever was."

"But… but that's so unrealistic!" the boy shouts. "Do you have any idea what that means?! Aren't you worried you'll die?!"

Luffy conks him on the head. "Haven't you been listening? It doesn't matter if it's realistic. It doesn't matter if I die in the attempt. Even if I fail, even if I end up dead, all that matters is that I gave it my best shot. As long as I'm doing what I love and fighting to accomplish my dream, then I don't mind dying."

The boy's eyes turn to stars and he looks at Luffy with newfound admiration and respect. "Wow." The boy looks into the distance, imagining his own dream. He bursts out of the barrel and raises his fist to the air. "Yes, you're right! I'll… I'll do it! I'll be a marine! I'll be the best marine I can be! I'll even… I'll even… I'll even become an Admiral! I'll become an Admiral or I'll die trying! And then, when I've done that, I'll capture that stupid Alvida myself!"

"That's the spirit. Shishishi," says Luffy. The ship suddenly creaks ominously and Luffy remembers that the ship is probably about to sink.

"Whoa, wh-what was that?" the boy asks, reality cock-slapping him in the face. The ship quakes violently, sending the boy tumbling to the floor.

"Oh yeah, I might've kicked the ship in half. We should probably get back."

The boys jaw hits the floor at the revelation. "Y-you did what?!"

"I kicked that dumb whale lady into the ship and it split in half." He knocks on the wood of the ship for effect. "This ship must be made of some pretty weak stuff to split that easily. I'm amazed it's still floating." He looks at the boy, who's still bewildered to learn that Luffy kicked a ship in half. "What? She launched a cannonball at my meat. I couldn't just let it slide."

"But you –"

He's interrupted in the middle of his thought by Luffy grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and plucking him up off the ground. Luffy then grabs the last remaining leg of meat that the pirates have, and darts out of the storage room. Once on the edge of the deck, he takes a quick bite of meat before jumping off. The pink-haired boy scream at the top of his lungs and asks if Luffy is completely insane, but is cut short again as Luffy kicks off the air and jumps casually over the ocean, causing the boy's jaw to nearly unhinge from dropping so hard.

"H-how are you doing this?!" the boy shouts manically.

"It's called Geppo," Luffy says through the meat he's chewing on. "It's one of a bunch of secret marine techniques my gramps taught me."

"That doesn't – oof! – explain anything – ow!" the boy shouts over the deafening wind in his ears and through the momentum of Luffy's casual defiance of conventional logic.

When Luffy lands back on deck, he lands hard enough that the momentum knocks the boy out of his hand and to the ground, knocking him unconscious. Somehow or other, his glasses stay firmly planted on his face. Meanwhile, a large group of marines have finally managed to succeed in fishing the unconscious body of Alvida out of the ocean and onto a life raft, which is currently being hauled up to the deck. The remaining pirates have all been tied up and are being led down to the brig.

Fullbody eyes up the unconscious boy that Luffy has dropped onto the deck of the ship. "Who's this?"

"Huh?" Luffy says intelligently. "Oh, this is… uh…" He kneels down next to the boy and says, "Hey! What's your name?" When the boy responds by drooling onto the deck, Luffy grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him violently to and fro, knocking his head against the deck a couple dozen more times, causing him to develop a large bump on his forehead.

Finally, the boy wakes up (somehow). "Huh, wuh?" he babbles incoherently. He looks up from the floor and sees the pristine uniform and officer's coat of Lieutenant Fullbody and his eyes widen in fear. "Oh crap! M-m-my name's C-Coby, sir! Please don't arrest me! I'm not with those pirates!"

"What were you doing on that pirate ship, then?" Fullbody asks, an eyebrow raised.

"I was… uh…" Coby hesitates. He doesn't want to say he'd been kidnapped by the pirates because that would make him look weak. The marines wouldn't accept someone who couldn't even carry his own weight against a few no-name pirates. "I was stowing away on their ship. And I was, uh, gathering information on them. Yeah, that's right!"

"Performing reconnaissance on a pirate ship by yourself with no backup is pretty reckless, kid. You could've been killed. You know that?"

"Y-yeah," Coby mutters. "B-but I w-wanted to prove to myself that I had what it took to become a marine."

"Oh? You want to be a marine, do you?" Fullbody rubs his chin thoughtfully. "Luffy, is what he's saying true?"

"I don't know about all that re-condiment stuff, but he did say he wanted to be a marine." Luffy scratches his chin. "Although, I did find him skulking inside a barrel."

"Aha!" Fullbody shouts, a broad grin on his face. He picks up Coby, puts him in a headlock, and noogies him. "The old barrel trick. I know it well, my man. You'll fit in just fine around here."

Coby doesn't know what's going on, and he's still scared out of his wits, but he can't help the stupid grin that spreads across his face and the tears streaming down his eyes. This is the happiest day of his life!

"Shishishi. Good job, Cody!" Luffy says, giving him a thumbs-up. Coby is so happy that he doesn't even bother correcting Luffy's mistake.

The next thing he knows, he's in a uniform and helping a group of grunts patch a hole in the ship's hull. In the background, Luffy is plowing his way through the large group of fish that he'd inadvertently managed to catch when he beat Alvida, as fast as the ship's chef can cook them up (and sometimes even faster).

All in all, Coby is having a pretty good day.

Of course, that ends the moment he's handed a mop and told to start scrubbing the disgusting bathroom. It's on this day that Coby realizes that "Chore Boy" isn't actually a rank in the marines.

Still, at least he isn't on a pirate ship anymore. It's a start.

A short distance away, on a small raft, a young woman with bright orange hair is practically in the fetal position, she's so scared. What she's just witnessed… She's never seen anything like it before, and she doesn't know what to make of it. 'That boy,' she thinks. 'The things he did. There's no way he's human. No way in hell.'


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: One Shell in the Hand is Worth… Wait. Damn it. I Had Something for This

AN: I haven't actually mentioned what Luffy's rank is, yet. I guess I'll go ahead and do that right now. Prior to the events of this chapter, Luffy is a Seaman Apprentice (I'll have you know that I'm a grown man; I most certainly did _not_ laugh at the word "Seaman"), the seventeenth highest rank in the marines, or second lowest above Seaman Recruit, if you don't count Chore Boy. Remember, Luffy literally (and I really do mean _literally_ ) _just_ joined the marines, and Garp isn't the type to give anyone special treatment. He'd want Luffy to earn his stripes just like (presumably) he himself did. Don't worry, though. Luffy will be advancing through the ranks _very_ quickly.

Anyways, One Piece belongs to the great Goda-sensei-san-sama, may he have mercy upon my lowly, sinful soul.

-0-

Nami has not been having a good day. Or week. Or… Well, really, the last few years or so haven't been all that great, if she's being honest. However, the one things she's been able to rely on to keep her sane is her work. She's an excellent thief, even if she _does_ say so herself. Typically, she prefers to work in silence, get in and out without anyone noticing.

And then, that dumbass monkey boy showed up.

It's bad enough that she's been caught skulking… I mean, trespassing in a marine base. But now, she's running for her life from a deranged, stupidly strong monkey boy, a wild dog, a man with a stupid bowl cut, some weirdo that keeps trying to ask her out on a date, and a crowd of marines and other base employees.

Well, it'd be more accurate to say that she's running _with_ them, rather than _from_ them. After all, the building they're in is currently suffering from a case of incurable stage 4 collapse-itis. The idiot monkey boy just _had_ to go and throw that statue like he was some sort of all-star quarterback right at Captain Morgan's big dumb face _while said Captain was standing on top of the building._

How this boy could be strong enough to pull off something like that in the first place is beyond her. The more Nami tries to make sense of what's been happening since that boy showed up, the more her head starts to hurt. It seems that logic has decided to go on an extended vacation to Spa Island and forgot to leave a mailing address.

Not only that, but her left shoulder is dislocated and her right hand is throbbing in pain. That much, at least, makes some amount of sense compared to everything _else_ that's happened today.

All nonsense aside, at least Nami's getting in a good workout. That's gotta count for something. R-right?

 **Flashback**

Luffy, Coby, Fullbody, and several other marines are leading the group of recently captured pirates through town, toward the local marine base. Luffy looks around at the townsfolk. They're all… trembling.

"What's going on?" Luffy asks.

"Eh?" says Fullbody. "Oh, they're probably just scared of the pirates. I wonder if these people have ever even seen pirates before."

"Huh. Yeah. I guess that makes sense." Luffy sucks in his lips. For some reason, he just doesn't think that's quite right.

If he's being honest, Fullbody is getting a bad feeling, too. Usually, civilians would be out cheering on the marines and praising them for taking down the absolute scourge of the seas. This, on the other hand? This is something else entirely, and Fullbody doesn't like it one bit.

And then, the group enters the base proper, and all hell breaks loose. One moment, some dumbass with a stupid bowl cut is stomping a rice ball into the ground and ordering a trembling marine to kick out some poor little girl (literally, kick her out, and I do mean _literally_ ). The next, Luffy's about twenty odd feet in the air, catching the poor girl like the most epic goalkeeper who's ever lived. The _next_ , Luffy's punching dumb bowl cut guy across the face so hard that the ground he lands on shatters into a million pieces.

"Wh-what the hell do you think you're doing?!" a marine grunt shouts. "Do you have any idea who that is?! He's Captain Morgan's son, Helmeppo! Captain Morgan will kill you when he finds out!"

"I don't care!" Luffy shouts back. "That guy was terrorizing some kid for no good reason. He deserved what he got." The native marines are speechless. No one has ever stood up to Helmeppo and Captain Morgan before. Or rather, some have, but none of them have ever lived to tell about it.

While all that's going on, Coby is tending to the girl that Luffy saved. "Are you okay, little girl? Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I-I'm fine," she says, standing up and looking straight at Luffy. "Th-thanks, mister!" she says.

"What's your name, kid?" Coby asks.

"Rika," she says. "I was just trying to give food to that nice man." She's pointing to the menacing-looking guy tied to a post in the middle of the base. He's wearing a white t-shirt, black pants, black boots, a black bandana around his head, and a green haramaki around his hips, and he has green hair.

Most everyone there recognizes him immediately and soils themselves. Luffy, on the other hand, walks up to him, an appraising look in his eyes.

"What?" the man says. "See something you like?"

Luffy scratches his chin, and then smiles brightly. "You look strong. Why don't you come with us?"

Most everyone present looks at him like he's grown a second head.

The man gives him an appraising (read: sinister) look and scoffs. "Me? Become a marine? Nah. Too strict for my tastes."

"L-L-Luffy," Coby stammers from the background. "D-don't you know who that is?"

"Nope."

"You asked me to join up with you without even knowing who I am?" Zoro deadpans. "What kind of moron are you?"

"Pretty big talk coming from the guy who's tied to a post in a marine base," Luffy says. The jaws of everyone present promptly drop at barely sub-solar speeds, fracturing local spacetime and causing bizarre hooded men wielding glowing hot swords of mystery stuff galaxies away to take notice of the disturbance.

"Heh," Zoro responds. "Hahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zoro about busts a gut (and probably dislocates both shoulders, what with the awkward position his arms are in) laughing so hard. "That might just be the closest thing to damage anyone's done to me in a while. You're _not_ wrong. I'll give you that. But I'm still not joining you."

"Luffy!" Coby shouts. "Just leave him be! That's the 'Pirate Hunter' Roronoa Zoro, the man who wields three swords and is said to be a ruthless demon! He won't hesitate to kill everyone here if you let him go!

"No! He won't do that!" says Rika. "He's a kind man! When that big mean Helmeppo was letting his rabid dog loose on the town, that man saved us! When Helmeppo threatened to have my mommy and me killed, that man let himself be strung up like this to save us!"

"Anyways," Fullbody cuts in, trying to restore some degree of order and bringing everyone's attention back to why they were here in the place. He looks at beefy scimitar guy from the last chapter. "Petty Officer Grimes, go with them," he points at the group of no-names off to the side who are gaping like idiots at Luffy, "and escort the prisoners to holding. In the meantime, I need a god damn drink."

Luffy, however, isn't paying attention to any of that. He's still having a staring contest with Zoro. He grins. "Listen," he says, "You need your swords, don't you? What if I got them back?"

"I still wouldn't join."

"Shishishi," Luffy chortles. "We'll see." He promptly stalks off toward the building… and walks right through the wall, completely ignoring the perfectly functional door right next to him. I feel like we've gone over this before. Am I the only one?

Everyone promptly sweatdrops. "What is with that guy?" asks Fullbody, a red, hand-shaped imprint on his face. "What, does he have a personal vendetta against walls or something?"

"Maybe no one ever bothered to teach him that a door is what people use to enter and exit buildings," Coby deadpans.

~o~

Meanwhile, somewhere inside the building, Nami is busy lockpicking her way into the room which contains various confiscated items, looking for a very specific item. It's not a terribly complex lock, and she opens it with little difficulty. Inside the room is a literal mountain of treasure (note: in this case, 'literal' should _not_ be taken to actually mean 'literal,' as in 'what the thing actually, definitively is'; don't ask me why; I don't understand the ways of common vernacular any more than the next guy). So, finding what she's looking for in here might be… a little more difficult than she'd imagined it would be.

~o~

Elsewhere, Luffy is running around like a chicken with its head cut off. He could swear he's seen that open door six different times. If only he had some sort of directions.

Luffy comes to a screeching halt as a lightbulb goes off in his head. He's pretty sure he'd seen someone skulking around in that room with the open door. Going around a corner, he spots the door he's looking for. When he peeks inside, he sees a mountain of useless garbage, mostly gold stuff, as well as a woman with bright orange hair.

He sucks in his lips, trying to figure out what to make of this person. She's not in a uniform. It looks like she's picking up the garbage and putting it in a bag. Luffy snaps his fingers. 'She must be a janitor!' he thinks. 'In which case, she'd be able to tell me how to get where I'm going.' He nearly pats himself on the back at how smart he is.

"Hey, lady!" he shouts.

~o~

Nami freezes, a look of terror on her face. She turns around to see a monkey boy wearing a sleeveless white marine shirt, a blue ascot around his neck, blue shorts, black sandals, and a blue and white cap with the word "MARINE" emblazoned on the front. 'Oh, crap,' she thinks, looking for a way to flee and seeing none. Plan B, then.

"Hey there, Mr. Marine," she coos, a seductive look on her face. With an exaggerated sway to her hips, she slithers up to him. "You're pretty cute, you know that?" she says, twirling an index finger on his chest. She cocks her hips to the left and bites her lower lip, putting both hands on Luffy's torso.

Luffy, meanwhile, is just sort of blankly staring at her, not sure what to make of the odd behavior he's seeing.

Nami wraps both arms around Luffy's shoulders, pressing her breasts into his chest, and leans in close, just shy of their noses touching. She licks her lips. "If you let me go, I'll do whatever you want and then some."

"Uh, okay," Luffy says confusedly. "So, can you tell me where that green guy's swords are?"

Nami blinks at him. Once. Twice. Thrice. Then, she starts to sweat. "What?" she says flatly.

"Where are the green guy's swords? You know where they are, don't you?"

She looks at him, mouth agape. 'Is… he serious?' she thinks.

"You don't want to have your way with me?" she asks.

"Huh, I'm kinda hungry," Luffy says, not sure what's going on. I don't know why he said that either.

'Well, I've never had a guy eat me out before,' Nami thinks. 'First time for everything, I guess. Never woulda thought he was _that_ kind of guy just looking at him.'

"I guess I've got time. So, do you know where the kitchen is?"

Nami's face hardens. She lets go of Luffy and sticks a finger in one ear, then the other. She's sure she didn't hear that right. "Did you say… the kitchen?"

"Yeah. I'm hungry. I want meat."

Nami just stares at him. Then, she stares some more. Okay. She's really confused.

"I… uh… Why would I know where the kitchen is?"

"You're a janitor, aren't you?"

Nami stares at him even more. "What?"

"You're in here cleaning up all this trash." He kicks a gold-cast trophy on the ground to make a point. "So, you must be a janitor."

Nami could swear she just felt some small piece of her brain die. 'This guy can't seriously be _this_ much of an idiot, right?' He must be pulling her leg. Then again, if he really is just that stupid, she _could_ use it to her advantage.

Nami puts on her best fake smile. "Uh, y-yeah! A janitor! T-totally!" Walking out into the hallway, she points in a random direction. "The kitchen is, uh, down that hallway, then take a right, a left, two rights, three lefts, walk down another hallway for five minutes, loop around another few hallways, go up three flights of stairs, take a left at the next hallway, then four rights, take the stairs down two floors, then look for a large, ornate door on the left. You can't miss it."

Luffy's standing with an elbow in his hand, his other hand scratching his temple (a stance which will henceforth be knowns as Luffy's patented Thinking Pose TM). For a moment, Nami could swear she sees actual steam coming out of his ears. Then, he says, "No. I'll never remember that. Maybe you could show me?"

Nami's heart beats furiously. 'Damn it!' she thinks. 'What's it gonna take to get rid of this guy?!' "Uh, o-okay," she says. She makes a mental note of where this room is in the building before closing the door and walking on ahead of Luffy.

As she's struggling to remember the intentionally confusing directions she'd given him in the hopes that he'd get lost and never bother her again, a voice sounds down the hall, stopping her dead in her tracks.

"Luffy! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Trying desperately to keep the fear off her face, she turns her head and nearly collapses when she sees the person the voice belongs to. Walking towards them is a tall-ish man with tan skin, pink hair, and a scar on the right side of his face. He's wearing a pristine pinstripe suit and a marine officer's coat. 'Well, this is just fantastic.'

"Luffy," the officer says. "Forget about Roronoa. You need to give your report about the Alvida… incident…" He finally takes notice of Nami, who's currently sweating bullets. He takes a good long look at her. A reeeeaaaally long look at her, focusing especially on her chest region. His cheeks turn red. Then, suddenly, he's standing right in front of her, a suave look on his face. "Why, hello madam. I'm Lieutenant 'Ironfist' Fullbody. You've heard of me, I'm sure." He puts a hand on the side of her face, fingers threading through her hair, looking directly in her eyes. "As you can see, I'm a big, strong guy. I've defeated more pirates than I can count. I'll… recount some of the more interesting tales for you if you'd care to grab a bite to eat with me."

Well, it's not what she'd had in mind, but she supposes it'll do. "Uh –"

Before she can answer, Luffy grabs her by the arm and dashes off in a random direction. He's dragging her along the floor. "What – ow – the hell – gah – are you – oof – doing, dumbass?!"

"Huh? Oh, I remembered why I came here! I need you to show me where green guy's swords are! Then food!"

"I don't – yeowch! – know where – damn it! – they are!"

"But you said you did!" Luffy says.

"No I didn't!" She just barely manages to keep her nose from being broken when he runs through a raised doorway. "I want – fuck – to be on my feet, damn it! Put me down!"

Luffy screeches to a halt, almost sending her flying into a wall due to momentum. Instead, though, she only dislocates a shoulder due to her arm still being locked in Luffy's grip. Once she gets herself settled on her feet, she uses her uninjured arm to whack Luffy upside the head… And then promptly finds herself crouched low to the floor, the hand she'd used to hit Luffy, which is swollen to nearly double its normal size, clutched close to her chest in pain.

"Ow!" Nami yowls in pain. "God! Damn! Shit! What the hell are you made of?! Steel?!"

"Oh, sorry," Luffy says, a mixture of sympathy and amusement on his face. "I used Tekkai by forest of rabbit."

"Forest of…" Nami mumbles, looking up at Luffy with an 'Are you an idiot?' expression on her face. "Wait. What's Tekkai?"

"Oh, it's uh…" Luffy trails off, sucking in his lips and assuming his patented Thinking Pose TM . "It's kinda like… Well I guess it's sort of… You see, you like, clench your muscles really hard and then you become as hard as iron and you can stop bullets and stuff."

"What?" Nami doesn't even know what to think anymore. Her brain is hurting even _attempting_ to understand what goes on in this boy's head. She shakes her head and sighs. "Anyways. What was that all about? Why'd you suddenly run off like that? Isn't that guy your commanding officer or something?"

"Eh?" Luffy says, looking back in the general direction of where they'd left Fullbody. "Oh, that guy? Forget him. He's a big dumb idiot. He's always going around calling girls flowers and stuff. He doesn't make any sense."

'The only person around here who doesn't make sense is you,' Nami thinks mutinously. "Look, uh…" She trails off, realizing that she's forgotten his name. "What was your name again?"

Luffy perks up at this. He points a thumb at himself. "My name is Monkey D. Luffy. I'm gonna be King of the Marines!"

Nami stares at him, mouth agape. 'Since when do the marines have kings?'

"Anyways –"

"There you are, you wild beast!" Yet another voice sounds from down the hall. Nami stands up and blanches when she realizes who's coming.

"Oh God," she whispers. "It's that asshole."

Just down the hall from them is Helmeppo, albeit a bit difficult to recognize due to the fact that the entire left side of his face is one big bruise. How he'd managed to get up at all is anyone's guess, really.

Luffy looks at him like he's a particularly disgusting cockroach.

"My daddy's going to have you court martialed for daring to lay a hand on me, swine!" Helmeppo says. Although, to Luffy and Nami, it sounds more like, 'Ny gaggy's koink do ave oo gurt narshad bur garink do ray a and on knee, thwime' given his swollen face and all that.

Nami is struggling not to just burst out laughing at this idiot's face right then and there. Mostly because of her already tenuous position. She's already seriously worried that she'll get arrested for trespassing. She'll especially be in trouble if they find the map of the Grand Line she has stuffed under her shirt. The fact that she's not already enjoying a lengthy stay in a jail cell is impressive as it is. She _doesn't_ want to also have to deal with this brat too, today.

"What did you do, Luffy?" Nami asks.

"I decked him in the face after he kicked a little girl's rice ball onto the ground and had her thrown over the wall." He never stops looking serious the whole time he's speaking. The bill of his cap is shading his eyes menacingly. This is the first time Nami's ever seen Luffy look serious at all, and it's actually… pretty scary. Helmeppo even backs away in fear and trips over his own feet, falling on his ass.

"D-d-don't you dare look at me like that, you bastard!"

Luffy walks up to him, Helmeppo backing away as if from a rabid animal he knows is going to bite him. He grabs Helmeppo by his collar, looking him dead in the eyes. Helmeppo looks thoroughly cowed in response.

Then, just as quickly as it came, the icy mood in the corridor lightens up when Luffy grins widely enough that most of his teeth are clearly visible. "You know where green guy's swords are, don'tcha?" Helmeppo nods vigorously, clearly grateful not to be under such intense scrutiny anymore. "Great!" Luffy exclaims, throwing Helmeppo over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and legging it in a random direction, completely forgetting that Nami exists.

Nami sweatdrops, but is grateful nonetheless to finally be clear of Hurricane Luffy. 'Now, to get back to the sweet, sweet treasure.' Nami's eyes turn into beri symbols at the thought. Then she remembers her dislocated shoulder and swollen hand. 'Right,' she thinks. 'Probably should take care of that first.'

~o~

Up on the roof of the building, Commander Ripper is busy sweating his balls off as he watches a group of terrified marines struggle to lift a giant statue of Captain Morgan onto its feet. He really wishes that Captain Morgan wouldn't do such asinine things. Of course, he wishes even more so that Captain Morgan would get replaced by an actually competent leader who's not so full of himself as to have a statue constructed in his dubious "honor." He's noticed the way the folks in town look when marines are passing through. He never once, in his whole life, imagined he would actually end up being ashamed to wear this uniform.

And then, something terrible happens. One of the grunts hauling the statue makes a slight miscalculation, resulting in part of the statue clipping a building. It doesn't appear to be damaged, but Ripper can already feel the tidal wave of boiling rage washing off of Captain Morgan.

"You there!" Morgan shouts. "How dare you damage my statue, fool!"

"I-I'm s-sorry, sir," the trembling marine pleads. "It was an accident. It won't happen again, I promise."

"You're damn right it won't happen again!" Morgan seethes. "Causing any damage, no matter how insignificant, is nothing short of a treasonous act! As such, I hereby sentence you to death!"

Well, shit. Ripper knows he's going to regret speaking up, but if he lets this continue unabated, he might as well just throw his uniform in the trash.

~o~

Back with Luffy and Helmeppo, Luffy is running down a hallway, Helmeppo crying like a little girl the whole time.

"Where is it?!"

Helmeppo points at a door just behind them. "You just passed it."

"Why didn't you say so?!" Luffy turns on his heel, spinning Helmeppo so hard he nearly goes flying. He then, once again, bursts through the wall rather than using the door like he's supposed to. He tosses Helmeppo aside like a rag doll and grabs the swords from their spot in the corner of the room, putting their straps around his shoulder, then makes for the window at the edge of the room.

Helmeppo looks up at him from his spot on the floor, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Wait, kid." Luffy stops in the middle of opening the window and looks back, impatience written all over his face. "Roronoa Zoro is tied up like that for a reason. You'll be breaking the law if you just let him go. You need to go get permission from my father first."

"Oh?" Luffy says, distinctly unimpressed.

"Yeah. He's up on the roof. You should go see him right now." Luffy shrugs and finishes opening the windows. He sets a foot on the windowsill. "Wait," Helmeppo says confusedly, "where are you going?"

Luffy jumps out the window, and Helmeppo's eyes bulge out of their sockets. "What the hell?! Are you insane?!" And then, as if in complete defiance of him (and logic), Luffy kicks the air and begins fucking _flying_ up to the roof. Needless to say (but I still need to say it), Helmeppo's jaw falls clean through the floor and bops someone a floor below him on the head.

When Luffy reaches the roof, it's to see Captain Morgan about to smash his giant axe hand down on Ripper's head. Thinking quick, Luffy does a midair backflip and boosts himself off the air behind him, sending him flying straight for the two marines. He lands just in time to push Ripper out of the way and take the full brunt of Morgan's assault. With fully activated Tekkai hardening, the giant axe smashing against his skull is as cute as a toddler bopping him on the head with a squishy toy. It seems the axe is made of sturdier stuff than Alvida's mace, as it doesn't shatter on contact.

"Wha –?!" Ripper shouts.

"What the hell?" Morgan curses. He lifts up his axe to see an angry monkey boy in a shoddily-put-together marine 'uniform' squatting in front of him. "Who the hell are you?!"

Luffy stands up and shoots him an absolutely menacing look. "I should ask you the same thing. Why are you trying to kill your own subordinates?"

Morgan is seething at this defiant brat, while the other marines on the roof have gone pale at the moron with an apparent death wish. "Are you questioning a superior officer, boy?!"

Luffy just gives Morgan a death glare. "Superior officer? Is that what you are?"

"That's right!" Morgan shouts. He points a thumb at his shoulder epaulettes and the distinct (but non-standard) coat that he's wearing. "You see this?! This means that I've achieved a respectable rank in the marines! A hell of a lot higher than yours by the looks of you! You'd better get down on your hands and knees and apologize, or you'll die where you stand for the crime of treason!"

Luffy continued glaring at him. "A superior officer?" He didn't break eye contact with Morgan for even a millisecond. "That dumbass bowl cut guy said his father was up here. Is that you?"

"It is, but that's got nothing to do with the shit you're in right now, boy."

"I see." Luffy's eyes were shaded by the bill of his cap. "And that statue," he said, pointing at the giant statue. "It's of you isn't it?"

"You're starting to really piss me off, brat!"

"You call yourself a marine?" If it was possible, Luffy's death glare became even more menacing. "My gramps taught me that marines are supposed to be kind, honorable, and just. From what I've seen… you're no marine. Not at all. No matter how much dress up you play and how much you pretend to be one." Several veins became clearly visible on Morgan's forehead. He began walking forward, intent on teaching this brat a lesson. "From where I'm standing, you're no different than a PIRATE!"

That does it. Morgan raises his axe hand again, and attempts to bear it down on Luffy's head. "Attempts" being the operative word here, as Luffy balls his hand into a fist, except for a single index finger extending out, firm and rigid. With a single, fluid motion, Luffy's arm shoots up faster than the eye can track. The instant his index finger makes contact with Morgan's axe, the axe gives like a wet piece of paper, crumbling to dust in an instant. The surrounding marines pale at the feat, while Morgan steps back from Luffy, suddenly critically reevaluating every life choice that led him to this moment.

Luffy's glare leaves Morgan, instead falling on the monument to a single man's arrogance in front of him. "Building a statue in your own honor? What a joke! A jackass like you, with no honor at all, doesn't deserve something like that." He walks past Morgan and the other marines around. He puts the palm of his right hand on the statue, then returns his glare to Morgan. Crouching low, he shoves his hand under the statue and, with some effort, begins lifting it one-handed.

Everyone present gapes at him like he's some sort of freak of nature. He walks under the statue, now supporting its weight with both hands. Then, shifting its weight just a bit, the foot of the statue lifts up like it's tied to a suspension cable, and the entire statue wobbles in place, with Luffy as the fulcrum keeping it suspended.

"Wh-what are you planning on doing?" Morgan stutters, actually experiencing something akin to fear for the first time in a long while.

"Watch." With another heavy squat, Luffy performs a powerful jump, actually causing some structural damage to the roof in the process, and sending both himself and the statue airborne. He'd normally gain a lot more height from a jump packing that much force, but the hindrance of the statue's weight only allows him to gain a couple dozen feet of height before gravity manages to reassert itself. Morgan is frozen in place and fails to react, but the other marines on the roof dive clear of the statue's path as, with one great thrust, Luffy launches the statue feet-first at the building, with Morgan in the direct line of fire.

 **End Flashback**

And that brings us back to the present. How does Nami know about all the stuff she wasn't there for?

…

…

…

Sh-shut up. That's how.

In any case, everyone somehow (mostly) makes it out okay. Kind of. The main building of the base is in ruins, but almost nobody actually managed to get hurt.

As the people who are actually _supposed_ to be inside the base are regrouping in the courtyard, Nami quietly tries to sneak away. "Tries" being the operative word here because someone grabs her by the shoulder (thankfully the one that's _not_ dislocated), stopping her from fleeing the scene of her crime.

"Wait a minute," the voice says. She turns around to see a beefy guy she doesn't recognize. "Who are you? Do you have permission to be here?"

"Uh, um, well, you see," she stutters. This is just fantastic.

"Trespassing on government property is a serious crime, ma'am. Even more so if you've taken anything." She tries desperately to free herself of the man's grip, but to no avail. "I'm gonna have to place you under arrest." He pulls out a pair of handcuffs and moves to put them around her wrists.

'Shit!' she thinks. 'Going to jail is the last thing I need right now!'

"Hold it!" comes the voice of none other than Lieutenant Fullbody, who is striking a pose which conjures up images of a strange anime-esque video game lawyer. "Grimes, keep your paws off the lady." He points a thumb at himself. "She's with me."

"Oh, s-sorry, sir." Grimes says, letting Nami go and bowing low. "I didn't know."

"That's okay," Fullbody says, making a big show of adjusting his tie. "The fault is mine. I brought the lady here to show her around. I meant to say something, but things got out of hand and I forgot. Isn't that right, Miss…?"

"Uh, N-Nami," Nami says, her cheeks bright red. 'I guess I owe him one, now,' she thinks.

"Now then," he says, looping his arm around her (uninjured) arm. "Shall we be off, milady? I believe we were going to get a bite to eat?"

"R-right." Nami's still struggling to get her breathing under control. 'Well, it's not how I'd planned to spend my afternoon, but it's better than spending it behind bars.'

As they're walking together towards wherever it is Fullbody is leading her to, she turns and says, "Um, m-my shoulder was dislocated during the craziness." She points at the shoulder opposite of him. "Do you think you could –?"

"Ah, of course. No problem." With one smooth motion, he twirls around to her other side and adjusts her arm properly back into its socket. She winces and breathes harshly at the pain that races up to her brain. She rolls her arm in place. "Th-thanks."

"It's no problem. Now, then. Right this way, miss." He takes her hand and returns to guiding her towards the restaurant.

~o~

Back in the courtyard, Luffy goes to stand in front of Zoro, a triumphant grin on his face. He sticks a thumb at the trio of swords strapped to his back. "So? What d'you think?"

Zoro grins malevolently. "I hear _you've_ been on quite the adventure. Were you the one who threw that statue?"

"Well, I don't like to brag," Luffy says, thumbing the collar of his shirt.

Zoro's grin becomes even wider. "You're pretty strong. Hn. Maybe it'd be worth joining up with you lot after all." With one mighty heave of his arms, the ropes binding him to the post crumble. The marines around could be forgiven, in this instance, for soiling themselves at the display. "Besides, I've been thinking. If I join you guys, there's a chance I could meet the person I'm looking for and achieve my goal." After rolling his arms in place, he grateful takes the swords from Luffy and returns them to their rightful spot on his right hip.

"What is your goal, anyways?" Luffy asks curiously.

Zoro's grin becomes downright demonic. "To take down 'Hawkeye' Mihawk and claim his place as the World's Greatest Swordsman."

Luffy grins a wide, toothy grin. "I like you. Welcome aboard, buddy."

"Luffy," says some no-name marine. "I don't think you can just decide that."

"Actually," says Ripper, coming to stand in front of Luffy. "Seeing as how I'm the highest ranking conscious officer on the island, I'll decide it." Luffy looks at him blankly. Ripper, as well as several marines from the 153rd Branch, bow low to the ground. "Thank you for everything you've done!" they all shout.

"Eh?" Luffy says.

Ripper rises and locks eyes with Luffy. "Captain Morgan was a tyrant who abused his power and regularly killed his own men and threatened civilians for even the smallest slight against him. You were right when you said he was no better than a pirate. I'm ashamed to have worked under that man. But now, maybe justice can return properly to this island, and it's all thanks to you." He looks back at the crumbling ruins of the main building, which is currently being picked over by a group of grunts, looking for Morgan and anyone else who was still inside when it collapsed, and sweatdrops. "Although, you maybe could have been a little more tactful about how you did it."

Luffy scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Uh, sorry about that."

"Well, we can always use this as a team building exercise," Ripper waves is off. "As for what we'll tell the higher-ups about what happened here, I'll just say there was a mishap with Morgan's ridiculous statue, which he didn't technically have the authority to have constructed anyways. It's not… technically untrue." He puts on a more serious expression. "In any case, thank you, uh… Sorry, what was your name again?"

With a broad, toothy grin on his face, Luffy points at himself. "My name is Monkey D. Luffy. I'm gonna be the greatest marine there ever was."

"Right," says Ripper. "Well, Monkey D. Luffy. In return for your service, I'll allow your impromptu recruitment of Roronoa Zoro." He looks at Zoro. "Henceforth, you'll be known as Seaman Recruit Roronoa Zoro." He looks back at Luffy. "One more thing. It may be a bit informal, but based on your attire, I'm guessing formality isn't really your thing. Monkey D. Luffy. For your strength, your unbending will, and your outstanding service in defense of true justice, I hereby promote you to the rank of Petty Officer."

"Whoa," says Coby, whose eyes have turned into stars. "He just skipped a rank. So cool!"

"Indeed," Ripper says, stroking his beard. "You know. I seem to recall hearing about a young rookie from East Blue about your age a few years back who made waves by climbing the ranks obscenely quickly. Who knows? Maybe you'll end up being a legend just like he is."

Luffy raises an eyebrow. "Rookie? Legend? Who are you talking about?"

"You really don't know? He's especially famous around these parts because East Blue is his home sea. I'm surprised you haven't heard of the 'Fire Fist,' Vice Admiral Portgas D. Ace."


End file.
